My friend Sarah and I were having an interesting conversation yesterday and as we were texting I realized it’s a topic I wanted to write about. Actually, I might have alittle bit in a previous post but my mushy pea brain can’t remember.
She asked me what characteristics I look for in a significant other so I started to think about it. I’m pretty picky and I guess that is why I don’t have much of a love life. I mean sure, I have flirty friendships or people who text me now and then but nothing that goes beyond that. My answer to her question was first and foremost funny, successful in life, a big heart, humble, strong work ethic, adventurous, passionate, someone with a backbone who isn’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in or those they care about. Someone whos been through life and overcame. Someone I can relate to and understands me.
It’s hard for me to find all of those qualities and I refuse to settle for anything less. I don’t really understand why everyone thinks its a race to find love, as if they’re afraid to be alone.
People seem to rush relationships because they like the idea of being in one. They conjure up this idea convincing themselves that their partner is everything they want but in the end theyre stuck being unhappy with heartache. I’ve done it.
My mindset is that everything ends, everything. Everything is temporary. I take it all for what it is, live in the moment, enjoy it, soak it in and then keep moving. No emotional attachment. People are scared of not having commitment or emotional attachment. Theyre scared of infidelities. Imagine a love without attachment. No pressure. Where you connect so deeply with someone that titles and commitments are so insignifcant. There are no restraints, no worries. Just so present in the moment and in the time you have together.
To me, attachment is losing all of your independence. It’s focusing all your attention and energy on the object of your love. You eventually lose your confidence and self-worth. You grow doubt, and shit falls apart. Attachment is a replacement for love. It’s controlling and requires a structure. It’s not free. Love is free, like wild horses. I don’t reckon I’ve ever been in love. I have loved, but with harsh attachment. We were together for 7 years and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without him.
With that being said, forced attachment can really push me away.
Soulmates- I think they exist, but I don’t believe we all have just one. There are billions of people in this world and I bet there are many that I could probably live a happy life with. When Im with someone I know that as much as they may care about me, there is someone out there who they could probably love more. Throughout life we meet people. Some who come and go, some may stay awhile, some who want us, some who we dont want, but they were/are there for a reason. Embrace those feelings and move on with it.
Okay- so I can be somewhat cynical. This doesn’t mean Im not open to the idea of being IN love, I just don’t like everyone elses idea of love. I do believe you can still be commited to someone without attachment as long as you’re on the same page with the person. My thing is I just can’t waste my time or anyone elses.
I can’t compromise my wants/views/needs.